office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
