I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
