I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
