Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
you mean i was at the winter classic?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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