epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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