I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
