I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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