then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
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