mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
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