i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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