We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Randomize
