Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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