Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
