last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
