so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
