nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
