I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
