Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize