I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
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