We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
