we have pet lesbian snakes
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
