Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
