I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize