I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
