Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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