oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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