I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
