i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
