I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Houston, we have a squirter
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
