Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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