sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize