can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
