I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
