the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
