I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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