I wish I could punch you in the face.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
