So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
It's never too late to be topless.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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