remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
