my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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