You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I didn't notice because vodka
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
