his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
