Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
