she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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