Swine flu. Run for my life!
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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