a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
