I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
