She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
no you cant smoke seaweed
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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