i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize