It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Randomize
