Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
