this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
