I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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