I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
