he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
