No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Randomize
