Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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