I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I DEMAND FORESKIN
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
