Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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