sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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