I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize