i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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