Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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