My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
