Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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