Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
