u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
