In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
