Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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