Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
