Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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