He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
