life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
She needs sedatives and a leash
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
