I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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