Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
