I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
