my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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