you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
