I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
you win again, gameday.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize