I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
