I feel like abortions should bother me more
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
