epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
