You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
You may now shotgun with the bride
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
