1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize