i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
