bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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