areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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