My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
