Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
