hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
They have beer where we have blood.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
