Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
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