So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
