It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
